Men and Peanut Butter–Basically The Same Concept

I have always hated making decisions.

When I get married I plan to defer all decisions to my husband.  I will be submissive and controlled.

Decisions are stressful for me.  Simple ones like whether to buy a shirt in red or blue are paralyzing.  When I’m shopping and I’m faced with such a difficult choice I typically give up and choose neither.  I’d rather make no choice at all then to make the wrong one.

Inevitably, when I leave the store I wonder if not making a choice was actually, in fact, making a bad choice.

My lack of decisionmaking prowess is an issue every month when I shop for peanut butter.  I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER.  I keep one jar of peanut butter at work, and the other jar in my bed.  Yes, in my bed.  PB is high protein filling, and delicious.  If I get hungry in the middle of the night, I feel around for my peanut butter, pop the jar open, grab the spoon wrapped in a napkin on top of my nightstand and dig in.  I keep a bottle of water on my nightstand as well for these emergencies.

 Since I love PB sooooo much, you would think I prefer a particular brand.  I don’t.  Every month when I purchase two jars of peanut butter I compare price with chunky vs. creamy.  Then I try to remember all the brands that were killing people. I try to avoid those, but if they are really tasty I’ll buy them anyway.  I can’t commit to a PB in fact, I can barely choose a PB to settle on.  I’ve stood in the PB aisle for up to 20 minutes and just ended up grabbing the 2 PBs closest to me.  I can tell you right now, just grabbing the nearest 2 resulted in regret many times. So now when I can’t make a decision, much like shirt shopping, I leave the store without PB in tow knowing damn well I don’t like to sleep without it!

I have the same relationship with men that I have with peanut butter.

So many choices…so many possibilities…so hard to choose one.  And when I can’t, I ditch them all and start over.   I’m either with a lot of peanut butter, I mean men, or without any!  In other words, I’m either not dating anyone at all or dating like 7 people I can’t keep straight or choose between.

Everytime I meet a man I compare tall vs. short, skinny vs. chunky…one minute I’m in the mood for Clinton Portis, next minute I’m in the mood for Robert from Day 26—no correlation at all.  But unlike a jar of peanut butter, you can’t just hurry up and finish a man so you can try a new one.

All I need is 2 spoonfuls of PB to know if I like it, with men, it takes much longer to figure out if this is one of those brands that be killing people…or, if the time/emotional price is too much to pay for a sampling.  All of these questions come in to play when I consider committing to a product or a relationship.

I refuse to print the number  of guys I’m seeing right now because whenever you say you are dating someone people assume you are sleeping with that person.  Apparently, I am one of the few people that can spend more than a few minutes with someone and not feel obligated to sleep with them—even if I said I would.

But suffice it to say there are a few at this stage in the game.  I’ve mentioned before that there are 4 distinct qualities I look for in a man and none of the men I’m dating now have all 4.  One has a small child, a big huge gianormous no no for a relationship, but yet I can’t cut him off the way I want too.  One is majorly emotional.  All men are super sensitive, but most can hide it.  He can’t.  Safe emotions for men to display are anger and annoyance, he displays them too often.  We often go weeks without speaking, then one of us uses pimp strategy on the other and we end up back on the same page…well maybe not the same page, but definitely the same chapter.  Another is just plain immature.  I don’t know what else to say.  His friends come before anything else, and he still hasn’t decided on a career path. 

Those are the negatives…but the one with the child is adventurous like me…he’ll try anything once.  The a**hole is just …manly.  Like most women I’m seduced by hypermasculinity. And the immature one…makes me laugh.  He is quick-witted, super-smart, and creative. 

But right now I still have a feeling I need to ditch this bunch and try something new.  A couple months ago, I tried almond butter and nutella to replace peanut butter.  I liked it.

Not sure what the metaphorical equivalent is when it comes to men…but until I solve my PB commitment issues, I think my relationship commitment issues will persist.

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