Crushes Are Bad…I Need A New One!!

Crushes are debilitating conditions that can not only impact the decision making part of your brain, but can actually kill the cells.  If left untreated, crushes can eventually damage the heart—sometimes beyond repair it seems.

 

For the past 15 months I’ve been ill with a crush that I can’t seem to kick.   

 

Apparently, when you’re feeling someone [liking them a lot] oxatocin and serotonin, those chemicals in your body that tell your brain (and other parts) that you are happy, appear in large supply.  I guess that’s what causes all the ‘cheesing’ people claim I do when he comes around.

 

And I will admit that I do get happy when I see his face.  Being the expressive type, I can’t hide my excitement.  So usually when I see him I say “yay!”  Yes, I actually say “yay.”  I can’t help it! I’m sure he thinks I’m being sarcastic, but I’m not.

 

Last Sunday (3/15/08) I went to the Ryan Leslie/Estelle concert and I had a great time (blog on that to come).  I don’t know Estelle’s music but I must say that she is one hell of a performer.  Throughout her show she told stories to explain the purpose behind each song.  She connected with the audience using her life experiences.  Before one of her songs, she talked about how she hates it when a guy or a girl sees someone that makes them go ‘yay’[my word, she chose to convey this idea by pretending to dance up on someone] and they never say anything.  She said life is to f*****g short for that (she curses a lot).  She said if you like someone, you should tell them.

 

Is she right?

 

I think back to my very first crush.  Yes, I remember it.  In my lifetime, I have only had 4.  The first one was in 6^th grade, he was an 8^th grader.  I thought he was the cutest thing ever—that was all I knew about him. I told another girl about the crush and a week later she was his girlfriend.  I think she told him about the crush.  Whatever the case, he was NOT feeling me at all. 

 

6 years later I saw him in the grocery store and let’s just say he looked interested. 

 

The 2^nd crush I had was on someone that I had known pretty much all my life.  It was a mutual crush so it was silly for us both to have never said anything.  What makes it so bad, is that I knew he liked me, and I still didn’t provide any openings or state how I felt. Once we were in high school he started dating a friend of mine.  Later he and I started seeing each other once she and I were no longer friends. We’re still cool.  A little of the crush still remains, I have no idea how he feels. Distance is a concern, among other issues.

 

My 3^rd crush hit me in college.  He was a Jr. and I was a freshman.  Talk about a sexy man.  A GROWN man! I tried everything I could to get him to approach me.  He never paid me any attention.  In fact, our college had a skating outing and I skated past him 3 times and waved.  Still nothing.  Learning something from the 1^st and 2^nd crush, I decided that I wasn’t going to wait until a female friend got her hands on him. I decided to approach him at a party.  I use the term approach very loosely.  Basically, I went up to him with “Get Your Freak On Remix” playing in the background and told him how I thought he was soooooo handsome and how he has never noticed me and asked him if I could call him.  He said, Yes, I probably said something like “Yay!.” He also informed me that I should have “just said something” a long time ago.  And no he didn’t notice my semi-stalking behavior. The outcome of that situation need-not be detailed here, plus, he can read and he knows alllll about the internet(s).

 

Now, here I stand 27 years old with another crush.  A 15-month-crush.  And let me tell you, it’s a head banger.  One of my friends “claims” that I am an entirely different person when he comes around. She has spoken to him quite a bit and has decided that he is very immature (he is!) in addition to being a manwhore (he might be), and that if I began to date him, he would drive me crazy (he already does!)…or I would drive him crazy (I really would!).

 

I still want him.

 

I rarely meet men that I’m really in to, so when I do, I probably get happier than the average chick.  I think what makes this crush a killer is that there are 6 qualities I look for in a man [blog on that to come].  Crush has 5 of them.  Although my attractions have run the gamut, I definitely have a physical ‘type’ (dark-skinned, rugged-looking, not-too-tall with muscles), and he fits that too save for one thing).

 

So I’m completely thrown or blown…or whatever the kids are calling it these days. 

 

I’m sure he knows I like him, and I’m almost positive he likes me back. Basically, 3 things would hold him back from me 1. He has a girlfriend 2. He is too scared to make the first move, or 3. He’s just not that in to me. All 3 would prevent us getting together, but it doesn’t prevent this weighing on my mind…

 

So…

 

Let’s assume that 1 or all 3 are true…at some point I need to speak my mind, or find a way to get over the situation.  The problem is, which one to choose…

 

If I choose the former, what do I say to him?

If I choose the latter, everyone knows that the only way to get over a crush is to get a new one…where is he??

 

After 15 months I am like a *blind deer…

 

 

 

*I have no idea  

 

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